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Naked sexy funny jokes

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information. This joke may contain profanity. NSFW - A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator. What are you doing? The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents an What are you doing? The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband. When he went downstairs, he My husband called and asked if I could be naked before he gets home from work
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Three brothers are traveling along a road, and their car dies. They all get out of the car, and start walking to a barn that's a little ways away. When they get their, the farmer comes out of the barn, and offers them a room for one night. He says to the first one, "You can sleep with the pigs," the second guy," you can sleep with the cows", and the third guy, "I like the cut of your jib. You can sleep with my 18 daughters. The first man said, "I slept like a pig. I jumped from hole, to hole, to hole. Q: Why is sex like math? A: You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there's no multiplying. The bell rang for school to start and John walked in late.
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A man walks into a bar. Upon sitting down a busty blond waitress pours him a drink and asks if he would like some food. He looks up at the menu above the bar it says:. Becasuse both of those words mean penis. The National Poetry Contest had come down to two semifinalists: a Yale graduate and a redneck from Wyoming. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was Timbuktu. First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:. Slowly across the desert sand Trekked a lonely caravan.

Three brothers are traveling along a road, and their car dies. They all get out of the car, and start walking to a barn that's a little ways away. When they get their, the farmer comes out of the barn, and offers them a room for one night. He says to the first one, "You can sleep with the pigs," the second guy," you can sleep with the cows", and the third guy, "I like the cut of your jib.

You can sleep with my 18 daughters. The first man said, "I slept like a pig. I jumped from hole, to hole, to hole. Q: Why is sex like math? A: You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there's no multiplying. The bell rang for school to start and John walked in late. Clark asked, "John, why are you late?

Ten minutes later Nathan walked in late and Mr. Clark repeated, "Why are you late? Clark said to him, "Kevin, where have you been? Clark asked, "Hi there, what's your name? A trucker who has been out on the road for two months stops at a brothel outside Atlanta. A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband 2 was in software services.

He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband 3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband 4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband 5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband 6 was from finance and administration.

He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband 7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband 8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband 9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband 10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited! This time I know I'm going to get screwed! A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them in the office and they took off for her house.

Exhausted from the afternoon's activities, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Confused, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home. I've been having an affair with my secretary. I fell asleep in her bed and didn't wake up until eight o'clock.

You've been playing golf! I was sitting on my own in a restaurant, when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu.

As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone. Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 15 children. After her first husband died, she remarried and had 15 more children. A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away.

At Maria's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, "At last, they're finally together. A woman is having a hard time getting her tomatoes to ripen so she goes to her neighbor with her problem.

The neighbor says, "All you have to do is go out at midnight and dance around in the garden naked for a few minutes, and the tomatoes will become so embarrassed, they will blush bright red. The next morning, the neighbor comes over to the woman's house and asks the woman if her tomatoes have turned red.

The woman says "No, they're still green, but I noticed the cucumbers grew four inches! An old couple is ready to go to sleep. The old man lies on the bed but the old woman lies down on the floor. The old man asks, ''Why are you going to sleep on the floor? Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs. Submit Joke.

Credit Joke to:. Make Anonymous.



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